February « 2007 « Thought Collage

Archive for February, 2007

Undone

Thursday, February 22nd, 2007

It's a trail of bright colored Play-Dough bits and crayon drawings of "piles of snow" and stickers and paint and Light-Saber battles with vacuum hoses and cookies and orange pop and more cookies and dancing to the Fiesta Latin music channel (learning to do the twist and to shake our booties) and announcing, "Watch Nonna, I'm gonna fly now" as we jump from 3 steps up and Nonna's heart is temporarily arrested until the landing is obviously successful.

It's Guini loving the most dangerous thing a one-year-old could love: neon-colored plastic jacks, which she likes to pull one by one from an old Quaker Oatmeal cannister and place on the floor and then immediately one by one they go back in. She actually squeals with delight as she pulls them out, dazzled over and over by the colors and we just watch her and she dazzles us.

It's Hunter begging to be frightened again and again. He makes me put on the Darth Maul mask and chase him, but screams in utter terror when I truly surprise him and then lifts the mask to make sure: "Nonna?" Ok. Relief. It is just Nonna. Back to being chased. Then, time to cuddle and repeated requests to sing "Jingle-bells-all-the-way." With Hunter, nothing is ever done once. If once was good, many times are better.

It's Gavin "posing" me with a couple of stuffed animals as he cranks and adjusts Grandpa's tripod, pretending there is a camera there. He tells me to wait "just one second" then instructs me, "Say cheese." He squinches his eyes and I smile as he creates a clicking sound with his tongue and then he tilts his head head and says, "Awwwwwe…" because I smiled so prettily. And as he thanks me for sitting still, I wish I were aiming a real camera back to capture this exact moment of pretend into which I was invited. And I force myself to see it deeply so I can never forget this February afternoon…

Being a mom was the most wonderful thing. Being a grandma, I am completely undone.

May you also know this joy! Blessings! Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF: I am feeling a strong urge to climb a fourteener just so I can scream out my gratitude to God for all He has given me, for how He has blessed me. Gavin, Guinivere and Hunter, my personal heritage from the LORD, how I love you!

Posted in Mi Familia, Stuff I Actually Think | 3 Comments »

To My Valentine

Wednesday, February 14th, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day, David Allen Rhoades, the love of my life!

You have been a wonderful friend and lover and husband and now an incredible grandfather, too. I sang you a song for Valentine's Day (click the link below). In retrospect, I should've picked something a little easier, perhaps with more like a 3-note range?… I am definately not "up to" a Broadway tune, but it is done now – for all to know: I will never leave you. I know you too well (through all of life's stages) to let you go. My head and heart are full of our memories, our life – things no one else can ever share. I love you, Dave.

Be mine forever! Jeanie

SONG FOR DAVE: valentine-for-dave.mp3

Posted in Memories & Melancholy, Mi Familia, My Most Unforgettable People, Songs I am Singing, Stuff I Actually Think | 7 Comments »

Total rubbish!

Monday, February 12th, 2007

In the book of Philippians in the New Testament, the Apostle Paul gives his personal biography of a totally miserable, religious past (miserable because anytime getting close to God is dependant on what we do and how we do it, it is a cumbersome load). In the spirit of chapter 3, verses 4 – 6, I hereby submit my own biographical history outlining the stupidity I once clung to (that is me in the photo – a Pharisee in the making! )- that somehow I was worth something to God, valuable to His kingdom because of my own good works and where I came from.

The book of Jeanie's stupidity 3:4-6:

I had lots of confidence in my value to the kingdom of God because I was born into a Christian home to a ministry family. My first full sentence was "I'm gonna go to church" and I was a church girl among church girls. I was a Christian of the Pentecostal persuasion (others had some of the truth, but we had more, thus the term "full-gospel"). All of my siblings and their families are in the ministry. Many aunts and uncles and cousins are in full-time ministry. Concerning the law and attempting to get God's favor by my own self-suffiency, I could totally relate to Pharisees – working hard to keep it, and hoping for those heavenly brownie points because of it. Zealously striving for favor for my performance and being a "good girl," I was devasted when the less-holy were blessed. I grew up to attend Bible College and marry a pastor. And then I set out to raise my own bunch of good, Christian kids.

I am so grateful for my godly heritage, the roots I have. I love the stories of how God made Himself real to both my mother and father, each from Godless homes, how He changed everything in them and through them. Many, many people are walking in the redemptive grace of God today because of the choice Ross & Norma Moslander made to follow Christ.

But oh, my goodness, I have to work at not allowing these things to become a snare to me and to others. I have to keep dragging my pride to the cross.

I am in awe of the person who did not have the salvation message and cross of Jesus Christ served up on a silver platter, and yet they live in the full joy of knowing Christ without any of the doctrinal, or religious baggage that can so easily beset us. People with a "past," who come to Christ knowing how badly they needed a Savior and that they have no chance of impressing Him with their works or religious reputation just blow my mind. It reminds me of Christ's teaching that "The first shall be last and the last shall be first." We often judge a person's qualifications to lead in the kingdom by where they came from, how they were raised, who they are related to. God's criteria are different. It is all about the heart. God is looking at the heart!

But thank goodness, like Paul, I have been knocked off my religious high-horse (although I have the amazing ability to run it down and remount it at times, yikes!) and I can now see all that stuff for the rubbish it is. What I once thought were assets, I now see as liabilities. My passion is to know Christ and to somehow, finally – totally get over myself. What a relief.

Laying aside all human achievments in exchange for the free grace of God, Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF: "Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ." Phil. 3.8 NKJV

Posted in JESUS, Lover of My Soul, Memories & Melancholy, Stuff I Actually Think | 3 Comments »

Anna Nicole Smith is dead

Monday, February 12th, 2007

She really was one of the most beautiful women. Tragically, her life was lived in utter chaos, one legal battle or personal crisis after another. I have never seen some one try so hard for acceptence and love. She was flambuoyant in seeking approval while most of us are crying out more quietly, -desperately hoping some one will notice and see the value of the real person inside.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30 NIV

Your worth is far above rubies. Blessings, Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF: Listen for the quiet cry and lavish approval on a woman who doesn't understand her value, her true beauty.

Posted in Stuff I Actually Think | No Comments »

Preparation for the dreaded annual mammogram…

Monday, February 12th, 2007

My friend Liz sent me this wonderful information which, if followed closely, will really make the mammogram much less traumatic. I dedicate this to my daughters who have yet to find out…

Many women are anxious about mammograms, but there is no need to worry. In a few minutes a day, right in the comfort of your own home during the week preceding the examination, you can become totally prepared, alleviating much fear of the unknown. Just follow these simple exercises.

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in the door.
Shut the door as hard as possible; lean on it for good measure.
Hold that position for 5 seconds
Repeat – just in case the first time wasn't effective.

EXERCISE TWO

Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the concrete most closely resembles your mammogram technician's hands and all medical tools and equipment.
Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of your car.
Ask a friend or your husband to slowly back up the car until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
Turn over and repeat with other breast.

EXERCISE THREE

Freeze 2 metal bookends overnight.
Strip to the waist.
Invite a stranger into the room to make small talk.
Ask said stranger to place one of your breasts between the bookends and to press as hard as he/she can. Now the other side.
Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

Are you women out there doing your monthly self-checks??!

Blessings and laughter! Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF: Liz's email also said "A friend is like a good bra…Hard to find, supportive, comfortable, always lifts you up, never lets you down or leaves you hanging and is always close to your heart." Forget the friend – where can I find such a bra?!

Posted in Stuff I Actually Think | 5 Comments »

God is closer than we think

Monday, February 5th, 2007

"Rain" with Rob Bell. Check it out here (11 minute video)

http://www.nooma.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?ProductID=270&Mode=WMV&PMID=122

"Description: Things don't always work out the way we want them to or the way we think they will. Sometimes we don't even see it coming. We get hit with some form of pain out of nowhere leaving us feeling desperate and helpless. That's the way life is. Still, it makes us wonder how God can let these things happen to us. How can God just stand by and watch us suffer? Where is God when it really hurts? Maybe God is actually closer to us than we think. Maybe it's when we're in these situations, where everything seems to be falling apart, that God gets an opportunity to remind us of how much He really loves us."

It's worth watching to the end. Try to imagine the view from the safest place of protection now, from the hiding place, so very close to His heart.

Be blessed in all things. Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF: "For all that has been, Thanks! To all that shall be, Yes!" (Dag Hammarskjold)

Posted in Stuff I Actually Think | 3 Comments »