FOUND IN MY ‘DRAFTS’ FOLDER. MUST HAVE BEEN WRITTEN ABOUT AUGUST 2007, since Gemma was born in May of that year and I reference her…
All women’s magazines recycle the “balance” topic. HOW TO GET IT is the million-dollar question. And it really doesn’t seem to be about how to balance the things we need to balance, but it’s more like how can I balance everything I want right now because I want/am doing a lot of stuff.
Balance is bunk. If we were living our true lives, our true calling alone – we’d look really lopsided to everyone who is trying to cram lots of other stuff in. Should any of the following be focused on balance?:
The mother of a newborn
The teacher your kids spend the majority of their days with
The dentist drilling my teeth
The doctor installing a pace-maker into the chest of my brother who is too young for this
The emergency team that revived him as his heart stopped repeatedly, while I sat at home, hundreds of miles away not even knowing his body was trying die over and over
I’ve pondered the workload of the mother of a newborn recently as I have watched my daughter, Stephanie, with hers. How could Stephanie say to 3-month-old Gemma, “You’re really too clingy for me. I enjoy our time together, but you are taking more of youre fair share these days. I have 2 other kids, you know.”? No way! When you have a newborn, they get an inordinate amount of your time. It’s the choice that must be made by the times at hand. The manicure may fall by the wayside, the “me” time may get put off for a year…or two…eighteen? The newborn days are fleeting, we’ll miss them if we are trying to balance everything – have everything we want in life at the same time, in some measurable proportion.
Maybe the key is to be where you are, in the moment?
For instance, newlyweds should, in my opinion, be having inordinate amounts of love-making even to the exclusion of familial and friendship relationships, actually. When my kids marry, I miss them, but I try to stay out of the way while they enjoy being newlyweds. It is a time for delight and joy and growing together. Careers and sleepless nights with babies and mortagages will take their toll soon enough. They should not even attempt balance. They should raucously enjoy each other – unapologetically. Are there other things they should be thinking of? They’ll get there eventually.
So, exactly – where are you right now? What pulls at your heart above all else? Jump on the balance-scales with gusto and let the guilt baggage fly!
A little off-balanced… Jeanie
NOTE TO SELF: I don’t like half-hearted, middle of the road, medium-density anything, anyway.