I’ve Been Around the Block a Few Times

 

I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck yesterday.   I’ve been, as they say, around the block a few times and here are a  some things I know:

  • If it is going to rain only one day this week-it will be the day they throw the Penny Saver in the driveway.
  • You spend a lot of years pursuing the Presence, thinking God is elusive and even at times withholding Himself because you’re in some kind of unconfessed sin or that you just are not measuring up.   Then you find out you had it all wrong: He has been pursuing YOU!
  • “One of the most time-consuming things is to have an enemy.”   So said E. B. White.
  • A scoured and polished kitchen sink will go looking for dirty dishes.
  • If some one says, “Smell this,”   don’t.
  • If some one begins a sentence with, “No offense, but…”, brace yourself,  they are about to offend.
  • If that boy is right for my daughter, God will tell me.   Believe it, girls.
  • People are way less enthusiastic about receiving my advice than I am  in giving  it.
  • The life you lead is the life you’ll someday leave – with your friends and family and specifically your children.   So make it a good one.   Live with the end in mind – leave the right legacy.
  • “From the cradle to the grave – clean underwear comes first.”   I read that in the comics once and it rings true.
  • There IS a peace that passes understanding!   That always surprises me.
  • And – there IS a right way to place the toilet paper roll – my way.

This is gold, people, pure gold!   Most of it is really, truly and actually stuff I think and say.   Ha!   I won’t  claim any of it is original, though, because everytime I think I am posting some super-original thing, I google it and find out some one else had it before me.   Bother.

Just wanting to share the wealth…Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF:   Devote time to learning the secret to marrying fabulous shoes (think high-high heels)  AND pain-free feet.   This may be my ticket to wealth!

pictured: me in my cousin’s tree, age 4  – at their house where there was no indoor plumbing – YES!   I am that old; me more recently, a bit worn out from having circled the block so many times – with the 5 amazings; google image of proper toilet paper installation.

15 thoughts on “I’ve Been Around the Block a Few Times

  1. Just look at the puffs on Northern toilet paper and you will see that the only way they are puffed up the right way is when you install the roll just as you instructed.

  2. Jeanie my Sweet~~~~~~~what’s HTML??
    I actually thought you were one of the girls..Tredessa?…Stormie..? I was blown away—-You are not old at all !!! not in looks …not in age….not at all.

    By the way…..have you started writing that book yet?
    You’ve got a lot of people out there waiting in line for
    their autographed copy. Of course…I get the first one.
    ~~~~~~~~~Mom

  3. Well, Bryan-that is YOUR life’s revelation, not mine!

    Hey, btw – my truly most revelatory one happened like 3 times the day before HF, “No offense, but…”

    Really, people: PLEASE NEVER start a sentence like that ever again. If you want to say something you know will hurt some one’s feelings-just say it. Geez. Starting with “No offense, but…” does not suddenly make you seem kind and thoughtful. It makes you seem like you know good and well that what you are about to say is a bit rude, but you don’t give a crap. And don’t call it being forthright, either. It isn’t. It’s forth-wrong. Hopefully no one took offense at this comment…

  4. Several things here, right off…

    Jeanie, please take some deep breaths following comment 7 above…

    Mom?…how could you comment to Jeanie here and not talk to me, the official piggy-back-blogger for this, and many other, sites? I can receive mail here as well, you know- just ask all the Tom-haters!!! Oh yeah, Tom-hater’s rule!!! (You can’t see me right now but I have my arms extended way above my head, my fingers launched out in some cool gang-sign-looking thing, and I am banging my head back and forth to the sound of some silent rock tune from 38 years ago.

    Hey Bryan…pull my finger! :) tee-hee (That was a good one, Dude!)

    And finally, my REAL (and that means, official) comment to this blog (drumroll please, Tristan)…
    “I run around the block everyday…and then I push it back under the bed and go back to sleep!”

    Love ya, Sis! (It’s me- Joe)

  5. SITE OWNER’S NOTE: THIS COMMENT HAS BEEN EDITED DUE TO BEING INAPPROPRIATE FOR SOME ONE MY AGE…
    Alright Bry-Bry, I am going to break custom here and give you the best recipe for the worst (or best) gastrointestinal scents you could ever muster (hee-hee, he said “gastrointestinal”). I have only shared this recipe with a favored few who love to drop bombs now and again…I guarentee its power as I am living proof, having used it to nearly destroy two very close friends from the far-back days (David and Kevin [aka ‘Lugar’] Bettis). They were literally begging to be dropped at the nearest corner…but the war was on. They will vouch for its results…you will surely be crowned KING in any of the gastrointestinal-savvy circles in which you might run. Here it is: Eat a whole bag of Nacho Doritos, with Frito-Lay’s reg or Anchilada Bean Dip and Drink a quart of chocolate milk…and let the bombing begin!! This is when “pull my finger” is really, really worth while! A word from the surgeon general: Be prepared, as one gets older this recipe seems to cause increasing pain and discomfort on the bombediere.

  6. Unbelieveable! First, I look at a very pious picture of Joe, obviously ushering in the absolute presence of God, and then he’s giving a fart recipe! What’s wrong with this picture? Well, he’ll always be a jr hi kid to me, so I guess it all makes sense….

  7. I completely disagree with your diagram of toilet paper. ya see it depends on one thing, the location of the dispenser because that determines how you reach and have to tear the paper off. I prefer the under in my house because the dispenser is to the side of the seat and the under method allows for a one handed grap and tear. The over method prevents this and reuslts in taking more off the roll in the process of tearing off more.

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