Preparation for the dreaded annual mammogram…

 mammogram funny

 

My friend Liz sent me this wonderful information which, if followed closely, will really make the mammogram much less traumatic.  I dedicate this to my daughters who have yet to find out…

Many women are anxious about mammograms, but there is no need to worry.  In a few minutes a day, right in the comfort of your own home during the week preceding the examination, you can become totally prepared, alleviating much fear of the unknown.  Just follow these simple exercises.

EXERCISE ONE:

  • Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in the door.
  • Shut the door as hard as possible; lean on it for good measure.
  • Hold that position for 5 seconds
  • Repeat – just in case the first time wasn’t effective.

EXERCISE TWO

  • Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the concrete most closely resembles your mammogram technician’s hands and all medical tools and equipment.
  • Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of your car.
  • Ask a friend or your husband to slowly back up the car until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
  • Turn over and repeat with other breast.

EXERCISE THREE

  • Freeze 2 metal bookends overnight.
  • Strip to the waist.
  • Invite a stranger into the room to make small talk.
  • Ask said stranger to place one of your breasts between the bookends and to press as hard as he/she can.  Now the other side.
  • Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

Are you women out there doing your monthly self-checks??!

Blessings and laughter!  Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF:  Liz’s email also said “A friend is like a good bra…Hard to find, supportive, comfortable, always lifts you up, never lets you down or leaves you hanging and is always close to your heart.”  Forget the friend – where can I find such a bra?!

58 thoughts on “Preparation for the dreaded annual mammogram…

  1. Hilarious!  If this was supposed to help us get in to have one of these, it failed miserably.  Let the record show that I've actually commented on one of your entries now…no more complaining!

  2. Now that was a good belly laugh that I haven't had for quote a while!  I cried a couple of joyful tears, got a good stomach muscle work out, and I'm quite sure I've heard that those medicinal endorphines are released when we laugh.  Who needs a mammogram when you're getting enough exercise & medicine for your soul? 

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