What a summer I had last year.  I had lost or damaged so many things: relationships, direction, sense of who God actually created me to be, confidence, income, health, peace of mind. My ministry was gone and my marriage was wounded.  The only thing firmly in place was my pride, but God was chipping away at it.  Who will I be, I wondered, if You take that away from me?

8.11.06 and the 1-2-3 punch.  I sat at the kitchen table with my Bible.  The only scriptures I could recall about rest were the commands to keep the Sabbath, a commandment I not only broke regularly, but felt great pride in doing  (or at least could revel in my martyrdom over).  The only scriptures about sleep in my rememberance were the ones like, "…the stouthearted were plundered, having sunk into their sleep," and when David said he would "not give sleep or slumber" to his eyes.  Even Proverbs taunted me with, "A little sleep, a little slumber…so poverty shall come on you," right after  calling me a "sluggard," and telling me to "consider the ways of the ant," hard workers, all of them.

So after the revelation I received the night before, I prayed, God, please show me if this is Your word to me right now.  Could it be true that all You are asking of me at this time is to sleep, get rest, become renewed?  Is Your yoke really that easy?  Is Your burden really light?  Could You teach even me to cast aside my need to be and to do and could You actually give me rest? (Matthew 11.28-30, please read, dare to believe).

God gives His beloved sleep.  That thought popped into my mind right after I prayed.  I had heard it somewhere (probably a few thousand times…I am a slow hearer).  God gives His beloved sleep.  Simple, plain.  To the point.  With some trepidation I searched my concordance.  There it was: Psalm 127, a Song of Solomon (the wisest of men).

I read it.  I read it aloud.  I wrote it out, word for word.  I thought about it.  I looked at each phrase independantly and interdependantly.  I meditated on it.  I thought it through. I spent an hour and a half grasping this wonderful news: God gives sleep.  He was ok with me getting sleep.  I didn't have to do it all.  I didn't have to make sure every single thing got done.  I finally realized that "unless the LORD builds " it…it is futile.  "Unless the LORD guards" everything, the watchman (me, usually) is in big trouble.  The light dawned that I was living in the vanity of rising early and staying up late and worrying my head off over everything (the bread of sorrows/anxiety).  God had actually given me permission to sleep.

God gave me, one of His "beloveds", sleep.  I wasn't quite sure what it meant or how I would do it and I knew I was really too busy to do it, but I also knew this was a moment in time I could receive and be changed or ignore and spend the rest of my life regretting.  An hour and a half of scripture meditation…I got up to start the dishwasher. 

The phone rang just as I got up.  My firstborn (see photo), Tara was calling.  I thought maybe I would tell her what God had been showing me through His Word, but I wasn't quite ready to come forward (it was the sin of my pride being exposed, after all).  She wasn't waiting to hear from me anyway.  She came directly to her point.  She said, "Mom, I have been reading the Word and I feel that God told me to call you and tell you this-" and you are probably not surprised to hear that Tara read Psalm 127 to me…every word of it, stressing, "God gives His beloved sleep."  That was one of those moments, even now as I write it, I am in awe that the God of the universe had time to make sure I was hearing His plan, His will, His heart towards me.  It is so humbling.

Later that evening, I pulled out an article about resting in the providence of God that Mary Jean Powers (Get the Word Out! Intensives and a co-grandparent - we share Hunter through Dave and Tara) had given to me to read a couple of months earlier.  I had read it at least twice.  I thought I would check it out again since it was about the Sabbath and I had a newly-increased motivation in learning to keep it, obey it. You are sharp enough to have guessed what I found -  I hadn't even noticed the paragraph about Ps. 127 before or the beautiful statement made by the article's author: "God knows that His creatures need restoration by rest, and so He not only commands but even invites us to get it."

God wasn't being redundant with me.  He knows how slow I am to hear and learn sometimes.  I mean, this whole thing is in His Word, so actually, since the first grade, it has been there for me to read and receive.  How many times had I run the other way?  My husband Dave and God only know.

Two days later, God would issue another reminder as I wrestled with whether or not I would press in to accept this newfound freedom.  I'll tell you about that tomorrow (Sleep, day six).  But until then, I want to tell you that I know from experience that the loss of sleep from over-work and anxiety and pressure is overcome by calling on the Lord who calls you His "beloved one."

Think about what you are willing to give up to receive what God is willing to give you…Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF: "I cried unto the Lord with my voice, And He heard me from His holy hill.  I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me." Ps. 3.4-5  Even during the most hectic and disconcerting times in my life, I can sleep in peace knowing God will sustain me and has the whole world in His hands…