I avoid public restrooms at all costs – except not the cost of not buying and drinking the largest possible ice teas I can find and drinking myself into an amber-liquid stupor. Therefore, as it turns out, I am forced to use public restrooms.
I have noticed a disturbing trend recently, on those 23″ in diameter circles of toilet paper. They are jimmy-rigged to allow you only two squares. Two. Then then they break off and you have to re-twirl the roll 17 times to find the end again – at which time, regardless of how slowly and carefully you pull, you will still get only two squares.
Nevermind that this stuff is so thin you could read the fine print of a car warranty through it and that is so crunchy as to cause serious doubts it is only a paper product (there has to be lava rock in the mix, I am certain). You still only get two squares. Period.
Listen, you public restroom establishments, you: your bathrooms are already disgustingly outdated and yuck, your hand soap is going to take off the first 2 layers of my skin and none of the locks on the stalls work right. For the love of God and all that is holy – let me have as many squares as I need – no, as I want!