Preparation for the dreaded annual mammogram…

 mammogram funny


My friend Liz sent me this wonderful information which, if followed closely, will really make the mammogram much less traumatic.  I dedicate this to my daughters who have yet to find out…

Many women are anxious about mammograms, but there is no need to worry.  In a few minutes a day, right in the comfort of your own home during the week preceding the examination, you can become totally prepared, alleviating much fear of the unknown.  Just follow these simple exercises.


  • Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in the door.
  • Shut the door as hard as possible; lean on it for good measure.
  • Hold that position for 5 seconds
  • Repeat – just in case the first time wasn’t effective.


  • Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the concrete most closely resembles your mammogram technician’s hands and all medical tools and equipment.
  • Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of your car.
  • Ask a friend or your husband to slowly back up the car until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
  • Turn over and repeat with other breast.


  • Freeze 2 metal bookends overnight.
  • Strip to the waist.
  • Invite a stranger into the room to make small talk.
  • Ask said stranger to place one of your breasts between the bookends and to press as hard as he/she can.  Now the other side.
  • Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

Are you women out there doing your monthly self-checks??!

Blessings and laughter!  Jeanie

NOTE TO SELF:  Liz’s email also said “A friend is like a good bra…Hard to find, supportive, comfortable, always lifts you up, never lets you down or leaves you hanging and is always close to your heart.”  Forget the friend – where can I find such a bra?!

33 thoughts on “Preparation for the dreaded annual mammogram…

  1. Now that was a good belly laugh that I haven't had for quote a while!  I cried a couple of joyful tears, got a good stomach muscle work out, and I'm quite sure I've heard that those medicinal endorphines are released when we laugh.  Who needs a mammogram when you're getting enough exercise & medicine for your soul? 

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