“I live with nostalgic regrets about everything.” Sarah Ferguson to Dr. Phil about her self-image after the sting operation last year that brought her to her lowest low after years of making mistakes and messes of her life for the upcoming docu-series on OWN.
Should it define her – that one horrid moment, or even the series of them that brought her there? Did she do the best she could have with the resources she had at the time? Or what if she did the worst she could have, knowingly and rebelliously? Is there no redemption? Ever?
As moms, we often let the times we act like we wish we wouldn’t, define us.
I get a bit melancholy. I tend toward “nostalgic regret.” I guess I am thinking about what defines me these days, in my early 50s, getting older and trying not to let the enemy of my soul make the regrets bigger than God’s faithfulness has been; nor bigger than the times I have lived under His wing, in His plan, doing what He chose for me to do beforehand. God has been good to me, so good.
He has been good! His smile warms my life. In spite of my own self-sabotage at times, He has entrusted things to me, things that, had I been the distributor, I’d never have given. I wonder why. Other people do too, I am sure. And yet, He planned a life for me too good for words.
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2.10 NLT
The refrain of my life: He is faithful. He is so faithful. Has been in all things past, and is, right now.
Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit [this is GOOD NEWS, Sarah Ferguson!] and crowns you with love and compassion, [You can still be royalty-you can still have it all] who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. Praise the LORD, my soul. Psalm 103.1-6,8-18, 22b NIV
1 thought on “the princess and the past”
I’ve been contemplating a lot of this as well, momma. Especially because I very much tend to dwell on what’s going wrong or how things could have been better and how they weren’t perfect, like I wanted them to be. I realized how much I live in unhappiness and regret looking back because I choose to see only failure instead of what suceeded. Sometimes I wish I could step outside of myself and look with God’s eyes so I could see things as they ACTUALLY are. The great, the bad, the neutral. I know that He’ll grant that request if I ask Him, but honestly…am I ready to let go of the negativity and dwelling on things that didn’t go right or as planned? I think that’s what bothers me. It’s a putrid, stinking and filthy garment that I’ve wrapped around myself, but now I hesitate to take it off because at least it’s kept me warm. However, I’d so like for God to replace it with a garment of His choosing. One that, no doubt, smells clean and fresh and goes with my eyes and also keeps me the exact temperature of peace and safety and security. Hmmm, I shall contemplate more…